We all know the rules, right ladies? What is the ‘f’ word we cringe to more vehemently than the four letter one? That’s right: fat . No, I did not make a typo in the title (but I imagine I got your attention). . . FOR FAT SAKE! I detest what this word has come to represent. It is a comparative, degrading, diminishing word that most of us have spent our lives avoiding any association with. As a woman, being called fat has meant: undesirable, unwanted, unlovable, UNWORTHY. This blog is my warrior cry to invite everyone to come back to, and love ourselves just as we are . A call to shed the layers of social conditioning and negative beliefs, to begin to deeply love our bodies and connect to our personal power.
I entered this world in record time and weighed in at 10 lbs. 4 oz and 22 inches long! Seriously!? To my phenomenal mother’s dismay, she naturally and painfully birthed a toddler! In a society that values a woman by her size, I was a rule breaker by mere existence. Not to mention, as I grew older, my personality began to match my body; BIG!! Big heart, big feelings, big voice, big dreams. In the early years, I was oblivious to the social norms I was breaking and loved living large in every way! I would sing, dance, run around unabashedly in a bathing suit, and take up as much space as I desired. It was quite beautiful.
At approximately age eight, I was called to downsize, in every way. This was when the fat shaming began and I started to learn the hard knocks of life; girls should remain small in every way. Our bodies, our voices, our personalities. Be nice and do NOT take up too much space (figuratively and literally). My exuberance deflated from my enormous personality. I was painfully aware that I did not naturally ascribe to the rules of being a girl. So, for years, I worked hard to learn and follow those rules. Be nice. Be small. Be pretty. I have tortured and abused my body, mind and soul in attempts to follow these rules. I have tried numbing, stuffing, starving, medicating, placating, you name it. I worked hard to hide who I was in order to chase the acceptance and approval of others. I realize now, this was an impossible and painful aspiration to chase.
In all my years of being a woman, friend, and therapist, I have come to learn that most women have a shame story about their bodies and have experienced feeling unworthy. If you are one of them, this goes out to you: I see you, I hear you, I AM you. I recognize we all have our unique stories and I honour whatever yours is. I know the familiar feeling of "not good enough" is what bonds us together. We can support one another through the shame and rise together to reclaim our power!
It has taken years for me to slowly peel away the layers of teasing, humiliation, rejection, conditioning, shame, rage, and lies. At times, I have felt so raw and exposed I feared there would be nothing left to me. She was in there though, awaiting my return. The passionate, precious, wild, beautiful little girl who loves big, dreams big, and walks with her head held high. Every day, I try to connect with her and nurture her so that she can live out loud in every way. It doesn't always go according to plan, but I am not giving up on her.
Body love is a personal journey without a defined prescription. It is a journey I will likely be on for many more years but I invite it all. The pain, the beauty, all of it. Every day is an invitation to return to and love our bodies. So, I invite you to show yourself some body love, right now, in this moment. Ask yourself “ What is the most loving thing I can do for my body right now ”? Let your intuitive response, be your guide. Does your body need rest? nourishment? movement? water? touch? nurturing? compliments? There is no "right" answer, only what feels right for you. Once you have your response ask "What is one thing I can do today to meet my need for _________________ ?" (enter whatever your response was to the first question). Now, try to meet that need today as an act of body love and self compassion.
Whenever you feel overwhelmed by the internal and external messages that tell you, you are not worthy, anchor yourself by asking those questions. Ask them over and over again until they become your default. Let them be your compass as you peel back your own layers to reveal (and feel) how truly beautiful and worthy you are!
The photo is of my brother, my aunt , and myself 'living large'! She struggled most of her life with body image issues but accepted ME just as I am. You will forever be in my heart, and one of my guiding lights.